The "ME-DISEASE"

As I mentioned in my previous post, my mom, brother Andrew and his friend Felix where here visiting us for most of the month of July. Boy did we have a full house! In Nashville before I married Landry my roommate and close friend, Sarah and I shared a 600 and something sq. foot, one bedroom apartment. We had two twin beds crammed into our room and we thought it was really small. Then Landry and I upgraded to a 900 square foot one bedroom apartment in the same complex once we got married. We really loved our place (mostly because it was our first place), but we felt like it was really small, especially with all of our stuff in it(mostly landrys :)). And we compared ourselves to our other couple friends with houses or town houses much larger than our place. Well now we live in a 515 square foot place, which is smaller than anywhere we have ever lived in. On top of that we have had WAY WAY more visitors than we ever had before. So I know God is getting a good laugh about us thinking we had a small place before.
My brother and his friend slept on an air mattress in our living room floor and my mom slept on our couch right beside them. We have one small bathroom, no air-conditioning or dishwasher so needless to say it was challenging living in such tight quarters for this long of a time.
So here's where my post title comes into play...the "me-disease". I would like to say I caught this disease while my family was here, but I think that is not being truthful. I have had it a very long time and tried to cover it up or act like it wasn't there. But man o man did it explode while they were here. I found myself always thinking about myself. How am I going to have enough time to get ready for work? What am I going to eat for supper? I want to do what I want to do on my off day from work....and the list goes on and on. Instead of focusing on my company like a good hostess should do I began to focus on me and me alone.
I did not realize how self centered my life has become until I had to focus on someone other than myself for the first time in a long time. Since Landry and I have moved to Hawaii I have not had to focus on many things except working and hanging out with Landry. But thank goodness God is giving me a wake up call.
Right after my family left Landry and I moved in with a family from my church. Their mom asked if we would stay at their house for 10 days while she had the chance to go see their dad who has been in Afghanistan. I wanted to help them out, but selfishly in the back of my mind was the "me-disease" flaring up again. I wanted my alone time with Landry, I wanted and empty house and to do what I wanted with my time. Do you see all those "I's" yep it was coming back. But God told me not to listen to those selfish voices to listen to his. When I asked Landry he immediately said yes and I am so thankful for his constant selfless attitude reminding me to change mine.
Philippians 2:3-4 says "Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others. Those verses are pretty plain and simply. God wants me to put others first. We stayed with these three teenagers and we were blessed. They were amazing, they cooked dinner for us most nights and we played games and watched movies. They had such servant attitudes towards us. Morgan the oldest put most of the meals together with help from her siblings and she would always leave some for us when we got home from work. Bailey was up for going anywhere and doing whatever, no matter if she enjoyed it our not. She has a very caring nature. Gavin was always asking us what movie we wanted to watch or changing the channel to something that was interesting to us. I am so thankful we got to know them better.
The next step to my journey of less of me and more of God was a book I just finished reading today, Kisses from Katie. http://youtu.be/zfXgCx3f_1c Here is a link to a video about Katie's story. You can also visit http://www.amazima.org for more videos and information about her foundation.
I heard about this book via facebook. I had read several post from girls inspired by this story. Though I often read about new books something was pushing me to read this one. I believe God lead me to this particular book at this particular time when my heart is open and ready to stop the "me-disease".
I immediately went on amazon and purchased the book when it arrived a couple days later I started to read it and could not put it down. Usually at night when Landry comes home all I want to do is hang out with him and no matter what was on my agenda I drop it to get to be with him. But sorry Landry this week I have had my head in a book most nights.
It is a story about a teenage girl from Tennessee who moves to Uganda. She has lots of disadvantages to the outside world. She is young, she is a female, she hasn't gone to college yet, she doesn't have a lot of funding and on and on. But she says yes to God's call and puts complete trust that he will provide what she needs.
"Uncertainty is everywhere. But I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul: Complacency, Comfort and Ignorance/ I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy." This is one of my favorite quotes from the book. It hit me hard when I read it. But I REALLY REALLY needed to read this. We are constantly surrounded with people and a society that has a self-seeking outlook on life. We want bigger houses and nicer cars and cuter clothes and more stuff. This SCARES ME! Because notice I said we I am definitely part of this.
I know this post seems rather like a sermon, but I had to let it out. I want to make a change. Luke 16:13 it says "No servant can serve two masters."...it is referring to God and money, but I am realizing I can not serve my earthly fleshly desires and my eternal God.
So what's next?....I don't have an answer for that yet! But I want to say yes to serving God and his people. Mark 8:36 "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?"
Matthew 9:37 "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few."
My prayer today is for whatever God asks me to do I say yes. Lord, please heal me of my disease. You alone have the cure. I want to be more like you and less like the world.


We sang this song at church a couple weeks ago and I had never heard it, but I thought the words were really good so here it is....

The things that I love and hold dear to my heart
They are just borrowed they're not mine at all
Jesus only let me use them to brighten my life,
So  re-mind me , re-mind me dear Lord

Roll back the curtain of memory now and then
Show me where you brought me from and where I could have been
Remember I'm human and humans forget
So remind me remind me dear Lord

Nothing good have I done to deserve God's own son
Im not worthy of the scars in His hands
Yet he chose the road to calvary to die in my stead
Why He loved me I can't understand